But Loving Him Was Red
by KlainesBowties
Summary: One-Shot based on Taylor Swift's Red. Kurt's pov on how he was effected by the break up.


_Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street_

_Faster than the wind, passionate as sin ending so suddenly_

_Loving him is like trying to change your mind once you're already flying through the free fall_

_Like the colors in autumn, so bright just before they lose it all_

Blaine was the best thing that had ever happened to me. Everything about him was just perfect. I loved him with every fiber of my being. I couldn't go five minutes without thinking of him. How much I loved him, how amazing he was, how I thought he'd never hurt me.

_Losing him was blue like I'd never known_

_Missing him was dark grey all alone_

_Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met_

_But loving him was red_

_Loving him was red_

"_I was with someone,"_ the words were constantly running through my head. I lost him just like that, in those four words he was no longer mine. To me it felt like somehow he became a little bit of somebody else's, even if it was just a hook up.

Missing him was the worst part. I stayed up night after night crying because I couldn't be with him, I couldn't have him in my arms, I couldn't tell him how much I loved him, I couldn't call him and ask him to make it all better... I couldn't do anything except miss him.

I tried so hard to forget him. I wanted to forget how much I loved him, how much I'd always love him. It was so hard to just forget him though; we had too much together to just simply disregard him. We had too much love to just throw it away, even if that's what I felt he had done.

I still couldn't forget all the amazing things we'd been through. Our first kiss, our last kiss, all the laughter, all the smiles, the_I love you__'s_, the late night phone calls because one of us couldn't sleep, being in his arms, everything. I couldn't stop thinking about all the things we shared together; he wasn't someone I could just forget because it was convenient.

_Touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you_

_Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song_

_Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there's no right answer_

_Regretting him was like wishing you never found out that love could be that strong_

The first time I saw him I knew he was someone special. The moment he took my hand and led me down that hall at Dalton was when I realized that he was amazing. That he'd be someone that'd be in my life for a very long time. He was all I ever wanted, and that feeling only progressed over time.

We fought like normal couples, but every time we did we'd make up in a matter of a few hours. We had always hated being mad at each other. We loved each other so much, and fighting with each other hurt too much to keep it up for long periods of times. Our last fight ended with me yelling at him to _get the hell out of my apartment _and w_e're over_. The two words I'd never, ever think I'd say to him. He kept giving me this look that I knew meant_, __Kurt, please don't do this. I love you. Please don't leave me,_ but I had too. He wasn't the same person to me anymore.

Sometimes I regretted loving him. Sometimes I thought it'd be better to have never been in love. Falling in love with him was the best, yet worst, thing that had ever happened to me. He was the first person to ever make me feel loved, to ever make me feel special. He was also the first person to make me feel really, truly, heartbroken.

_Losing him was blue like I'd never known_

_Missing him was dark grey all alone_

_Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met_

_But loving him was red_

_Oh red_

_Burning red_

I still loved him. I hated loving him, but I loved him. He was still the first thing I thought of in the morning, he was still the last thing that went through my mind before I fell to sleep, he was still the one I dreamt about every single night, he was still always in my heart. I still had a picture of him in my room, even though now, instead of out so everyone could see it, it was under my pillow. I took it out at night so I could hold it to my chest and try to pretend he was here and that everything was okay.

_Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes_

"_Kurt, there's a moment you say, 'Oh, there you are. I've been looking for you forever,' watching you do Blackbird this week, that was that moment for me... About you. You move me, Kurt. And this duet would just be an excuse to spend more time with you," _My heart beat faster and faster as he held my hand and poured his heart out to me, this was all I'd ever wanted and soon enough his lips were on mine.

"_I love you,"_ My head was spinning; I almost choked on my coffee, I couldn't believe he was telling me this. He actually loved me.

"_I love you too."_

"_I came here for me, because I can't stand to be apart from the person I love,"_ I couldn't help but to smile, reminded yet again of how much my boyfriend loved me. How much my perfect boyfriend loved me, I couldn't believe Blaine was mine. It was the best feeling in the world to know he'd do something like this for me.

"_You take my breath away, and not just now; tonight, on that stage. I was so proud to be with you," _The words came out quietly and easily, tears of love about to spill from my eyes.

"_I hope so... I want you to be," _He said softly, I couldn't help but to smile at him and try not to lose myself in how perfect he was.

"_Artie's having an after party at Breadstix. Would you… accompany me?" _His voice was so sweet, so tender, so… him. So everything about him I loved.

"_No. I want to go to your house," _I said, looking him in his eyes. I saw something snap in his eyes, like he'd just really realized what I meant.

"_O-Okay."_

"_To always love you, to defend you even if I know you're wrong, to surprise you, to always pick up your call no matter what I'm doing, to bake you cookies at least twice a year and to kiss you whenever and where ever you want. Mostly to make sure that you always remember how perfectly imperfect you are," _I loved him, in that moment, I loved him so much. I couldn't believe how adorable and perfect he could be. All I could do was through myself in his arms and hold onto him, wanting to never let him go.

"_You are the love of my life Kurt, and I am pissed off, that I have to learn that next year, what being alone is going to be like,"_ I felt my heart break into a million little pieces. I hadn't even though of how much this was effecting him. I felt horrible, he was hurting, something I never wanted him to feel.

"_But you're not going to be alone, I'm going to Skype you every day, and you're going to come visit me in New York every weekend as far as I'm concerned. But I promise, you're aren't going to lose me," _I had to let him know, I have to let him know that he wasn't going to lose me. He was the love of I had to let him know, I have to let him know that he wasn't going to lose me. He was the love of _my_ life. Losing him was unfathomable to me.

"_I love you so much," _His voice was so quiet, so broken. I hated seeing him so upset; it made me feel like someone was stabbing me in the heart.

"_I love you too," _I whispered, pulling him into my arms as tears fell down my face. I rub gently at his back, letting him cry softly into my shirt. Neither of us cared that we were still in Ms. Pillsbury's office; all we cared about was that we were okay.

_Tell myself it's time now, gotta let go_

_But moving on from him is impossible_

_When I still see it all in my head_

_Burning red_

_Loving him was red_

I had to tell myself a million times that we were over. I needed to stop crying myself to sleep over him, I needed to stop hurting over someone who had done something like this to me, but I couldn't. Not when it was Blaine. He was my soul mate, he completed me. When we broke up he took a part of me back to Ohio with him, and even though I was in New York he was everywhere. I saw him on faces on the street, every object I looked at I could find a way to link to him.

Every time I closed my eyes all I could remember was various parts of our relationship, except they were all kind of group together, like one big, moving collage of our lives. It was so painful to just sit there and cry while thinking about him, how much I needed him, how much I missed him, how much I loved him, and most importantly, how much I was unsure if I could ever forgive him.

_Oh losing him was blue like I'd never known_

_Missing him was dark grey all alone_

_Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met_

_'Cause loving him was red_

_We're burning red_

Losing him was killing me every day. Each day I went without talking to him was causing me to die inside.

Each night I spent crying myself to sleep over him, wishing and praying to a God I didn't believe in that one day we'd be okay, or at least to stop hurting.

Loving him was still beautiful. This feeling I had for him was so strong, so pure, and so perfect that I still had a hard time believing it was real, but I knew it was real. It hurt too much to be fake.

_And that's why he's spinnin' 'round in my head_

_Comes back to me, burning red_

He was always in my head; he would always be in my heart. I'd always love him, no matter what he did or what happened between us, I'd always love him. No matter what happened, at the end of the day I was in love with him, that'd never change, and honestly, deep down, I never wanted it too.

I guess you could say loving him was red.

_His love was like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street_


End file.
